In a stunning security breach that reportedly left many top-ranking administration officials vulnerable to attack, the White House was evacuated Tuesday after the building’s trans alarm went off.
Officials confirmed the transgender alert system was triggered during President Donald Trump’s morning briefing, when infrared estrogen sensors in the West Wing detected a large spike in gender fluidity dangerously close to the Oval Office. With an alarm blaring the words “Trans, trans, trans,” the Secret Service initiated a Code Rainbow, which prompted agents to rush the president to safety, place Cabinet members in a hormone-proof bunker, and secure the premises from radical gender ideology.
I wish they could invent a medical device that temporarily transfers your symptoms and pain to the doctor treating you and it worked like a shock collar. “I think light exercise would-.” and then bam they’re rolling around the floor clutching their stomach in agony and dry heaving.
imagine the most meanspirited, unlikeable, rude, bitter, self centered, negative person you can think of. not a rapist, not a murderer, not an abuser. just a charmless, tactless, dyed in the wool asshole you wouldn’t want to spend two seconds with. now assume they get sick, not with the flu, but with a long term, serious illness that limits their ability to provide for themself. a society in which that person is left to die alone because nobody likes them on a personal level is a failed society.
and the thing is, no matter how likeable or charming or cute you are, peoples’ patience runs out. the friends who drop everything to rush you to the ER the first time you shit blood tell you to stop being so tmi the fourteenth time. people might give you a couch to crash on the first week after your shitty ex kicks you out, but by week eight, you better have another place to stay. people run out of time, patience, money, compassion, energy. there needs to be an impersonal option, a real safety net that isn’t going to dump you when you become inconvenient
In a landmark piece of legislation that disgusted supporters said was long overdue, Congress passed a law Thursday banning women from leaving the house without makeup. “For too long, Americans have lived in fear of walking outside and encountering the unthinkable—a natural-looking woman who refuses to wear cosmetics,” House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) said in support of the new measure, which sets strict federal requirements for how much foundation, blush, mascara, and lipstick female citizens must wear when they appear in public.
