Looking visibly flushed as he hurried across the gymnasium floor, local teacher Greg Tollefson reportedly hoped that everyone helping to clean up after Thursday morning’s assembly at Mangrove Hills High School would notice how many folding chairs he was carrying at once.
Citing that a majority of Americans are irresponsible, easily distracted people who have little regard for other human beings, a new Department of Transportation report revealed Wednesday that it’s “actually kind of crazy” that U.S. citizens are allowed to drive automobiles. “Americans make millions of mind-boggling, idiotic mistakes every day, and when taking into consideration the sheer amount of lives that could be lost due to just the slightest human error while driving, it’s actually pretty goddamn shocking that we let citizens operate 4,000-pound machines capable of going 200 mph,” the report read in part, later adding that if one truly thinks about who their neighbors, friends, and children are as people, the absolute last thing one would be comfortable with would be them merging onto a busy highway with cars traveling 85 mph.
if tumblr ever officially lifts the nsfw ban i’m gonna start commenting “we have got to get objectum porn back on this website” on posts about conventional sex
