“Jesus Christ it’s a lion get in the car!” still pops into my head on a regular basis. Same with “eh meh gherd” (“oh my god”).
Also long cat. I’m sad no one posted long cat.
Also- I can’t find it right now, for some reason- but the “happycat has run out of happy” was referencing not just the format of “[thing]cat is [thing]” but specifically another meme with an identical cat smiling (“happycat is happy”). Possibly it’s the same cat.
When I am appointed to represent a child, my first action is to separate them from their parents and tell them the following things:
1. I am their attorney. I do not work for their parent or the judge or the cops. I don’t care what any of those people want.
2. My job is to listen to them and try and make what they want happen in court. (At this point I make a joke about how most people want me to get them out of trouble but if someone wanted to be in trouble I would do my best.)
3. What they tell me is confidential. It goes nowhere unless they agree to it. (If old enough, I talk to them about mandatory reporters, and how I’m a mandatory non reporter.)
4. I will give them lots of advice because I’ve been doing court for a while and I know a lot about it, and they don’t. It’s all really complicated, and if they don’t understand what’s happening it’s my job to help them figure it out.
5. They will make the decisions. (At this point I usually have to reassure them that I’ll help, I’ll speak for them in front of the judge, and I’ve got their back. It’s scary to have an adult say you’re in charge, most of the time.)
6. I tell them I know it’s absolutely wild to have some stranger come in here and say “hey, you can trust me!” and that I get if they don’t believe everything right away, because I plan to show them through my actions and my words that I’ll fight for them.
7. But nonetheless, I will treat them like a person who can make decisions, because they are living their life and I am not.
I do not:
Pretend to be cool.
Try to be their BFF.
Overwhelm them with detail.
Let their parents in the room until the kid asks for them. (I provide openings for this, and ask if the kid wants their parent to help them remember and understand.)
I want to emphasize I went into this job knowing nothing about how to interact with vulnerable populations, especially children. The training was minimal, and my role means that I can literally walk into a facility and get an unmonitored visit with a minor client one on one.
In my years of practice I have never felt threatened by a child, even one that was “violent” and “unstable.” It turns out just saying “hi, I think you’re a person with thoughts” is wildly successful? Now people treat me like I have special Child Whisperer powers. My powers are that I ask the child what’s up and I’m not scared to say things that are objectively awkward. I know nothing about anything.
Forgot one part: I cuss. Like, a lot. Child confesses terrible trauma at the hands of police officers? “Wow that guy sounds like a piece of shit. Want me to kick him up the asshole for you?”
Child: “no that’s okay”
Me: “I might do it anyway”
Persist until child cracks a smile and/or laughs at your dumb bullshit
I do literally all of this when representing child clients, lol. the only additional thing I do is to say that I’m not their mom or a cop, so I’m never going to tell them what to do. I will tell them if I think something they want is unlikely to happen or is a bad idea (and I will tell them why I think that), but I’m not going to stop them from doing stupid shit if that’s what they want to do.
Usually I have to circle back around on it with “remember how I said I’d tell you if I thought you were going to do stupid shit? [running away with your boyfriend to live on the streets][attacking that kid when you get back to school][continuing to hang out with your friends who keep getting busted for drugs] would be really fucking stupid. if you still want to do it, I can’t stop you, but if you get in trouble for it, it’s not because I didn’t warn you.”
Truly it is a disservice not to mention the cussing, kids love cussing. Younger kids love it because you said the bad word!! And older kids are like “what you’re a lawyer you’re not supposed to say fuck” to which I respond “what am I supposed to say when something’s really fucked up” & they think it’s great
that chris fleming bit about vibe dysphoria where the most toxic woman you know is always posting about how she’s like a cute little illustration of a mouse wearing a frilly dress but it’s the swaths of people calling themselves “just a silly little guy” who do not have a humorous bone in their entire body
Gnash, a raider living in the ruins of Charlestown, will flirt with male Vault Dwellers. The Vault Dweller can say they have a thing for bad boys with a Charisma 8+ check, regardless of gender. If the player is male, Gnash says the Vault Dweller and him have that in common and suggests taking them on a raid and celebrating after, then rewards a Psycho. If the player is female, Gnash will tell the Vault Dweller that they’re “not my type” and to take a cold shower, then rewards a Calmex.
